Yesterday morning, about 7:45 am, I ate a breakfast burrito.
The tortilla was crusty and hard, bent at the edges. That’s because it was a gluten-free tortilla. They don’t heat well. But I was grateful for it. And, I felt especially grateful for the chance to eat something. Inside? Soft scrambled eggs. 2 pieces of bacon. And a spear of soft, starchy potato.
In spite of the circumstances, I stopped chewing and started calculating how long that potato spear had been boiled, because — my goodness, I want to make this at home.
Chewing and enjoying that small burrito gave me 5 minutes of joy, in the midst of a hard time. My youngest kiddo and I were eating the meals delivered from the kitchens of Children’s Hospital, as we waited, in hour 8, to see doctors at the ER.
They slept from midnight to 7. I did not.
That breakfast tasted so good.
We come home in time for a late lunch.
On Friday, our new doctor gave us a prescription for a new medication for our youngest. They took one on Saturday and one on Sunday, and then we stopped. I could tell immediately that this medication, which is fine for most kids, did NOT work for our kid. It started a spiral that landed us in the ER.
Only a blip, in the end. We received wonderful care. More answers. New paths to explore.
Onward.
The problem is this. The doctors at the ER told us that the medication would take several days to fully leave their bloodstream. So this morning, before school — another hard time. Eventually, we moved inside, to the calm-down room, where I stayed all day, to help my kid and the teachers.
This time, a serviceable salad, crisp corn tortilla chips, and a thick chocolate shake tasted better than dinner with all-organic and local ingredients might have tasted.
The food in front of me is always the best food.
Urgency makes for the most powerful hunger.
If I ever had a smidge of food snobbery, it has been exploded and thrown away, long ago.
What is the best, most ordinary meal you have ever eaten?
By the way, sometimes I’ll get a comment when I reference the struggles that our youngest and we have been experiencing for the past 6 months. “You shouldn’t talk about your kid’s mental health condition. It’s not right!”
I’d like to say this.
Why not? Is there something shameful about having a different neurotype? Or trauma responses emerging from being treated poorly by teachers for the past 5 years? Is there something we should hide because our kid is struggling?
If my kid were having kidney failure, do you think I’d be receiving that comment?
Why is it that women who talk about struggles with the mind are told to be quiet?
I’m not sharing many of the particulars because those are private.
But when we admonish other women for sharing that they and their kids are struggling, we’re asking mamas to stay silent. And oh, my goodness, what a mistake that can be.
I saw this TikTok video today and started to cry.
The mental load of parenting kids with special needs.
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When we walked into the ER on Monday night, at 11:30 pm, I was surprised to find the place was PACKED.
When we finally saw the mental health coordinator at 10 am, I asked her why it was so busy that day.
“Oh, it’s the first 4 weeks of school. It’s always like this.”
Why? Because kids who are neurospicy have to start masking to fit in. They have to hold in all the overstimulation and doubting and how much longer it can take them to process something than the kids around them. They have to sit still, line up, and answer promptly, when their brain needs them to move and sing and dance and discover.
By week 4 of the school year, the ER starts to see an explosion of kids who can’t do it anymore.
I mention our struggles here because I am not ashamed of them. This is what is happening in our lives right now. And I write about the hunger I have to feel fully alive.
Also, I weave the truth of our struggles into these stories because I want you to feel seen, if this is part of your experience too. We have an epidemic of kids with mental health struggles since COVID began, and if we don’t start talking about it openly, with no judgment, these kids will not receive the help they need.
Talking about it helps. Writing it down helps even more.
If you are going through struggles, with your own mental health or that of your kids, you are not alone. I see you.
May I suggest you eat something delicious and rest in the joy of that experience for a few moments?
Food is good.
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And yes we are firmly in the "taters and eggs" camp when there's a crisis or exhaustion. Usually fried potatoes with egg scrambled in at the end. Sometimes some Butter Chicken seasoning mix tossed in. The Indian grocery store and the Indian restaurant at the gas station in our community are great places for comfort food too. Daal and rice.
I'd love to see the day when the needs aren't considered "special" or "exceptional" -, that everyone has access to an education that is simply tailored to a person's individual strengths and support needs.