What if I’m wrong?
I’m upset about something. Have I focused only on myself in this upset? Have I considered how hard this must be for the other person involved in this?
What if the story I’m telling myself is not true?
Does she have the capacity to talk about this emotionally, the way I do? Do we have to conduct a big conversation about this? What if the best way I could handle this is to recognize she can’t do this, the way I do? And that doesn’t necessarily make me better.
What if we’re just different? Not better or worse? Just different?
Has this happened before? Yes.
Has this happened every time we have connected?Yes.
Am I wrong for being upset that she isn’t connecting in the way I want because I want it? Yes. I am wrong, if she is not capable of this.
Can I practice more compassion and be curious about this interaction, instead of insisting that I am right? Yes. Yes, I can.
Can I focus on the joy of this connection? Yes. Yes I can.
What if I am wrong?
How often do you ask yourself if you are wrong?
I do not mean doubting yourself. You don’t need more of that.
I mean this. What would happen if, once a day, in a thoughtful and conscious way, you checked in to see if the story you are telling yourself is true?
Whenever I hear myself saying, “This isn’t fair!” I stop. I grab a pen and one of my journals. And I start off with this question: “What if I’m wrong?”
We’re often wrong. Often.
Until I was 16, I thought tomatoes were disgusting. I was wrong.
When our daughter arrived and started eating, I thought that we would be better parents if we made everything she ate from scratch. Oh boy, was I wrong.
I looked down on people who bought processed foods, for a little while, because I ate so many of them as a kid. Was I wrong to judge the food other people had in their carts? OH HELL YES. I was wrong.
Is it terrible to take your kid to McDonald’s sometimes? Of course not. I was wrong when I believed that.
Am I wrong to not eat gluten? Don’t be silly. I have a medical condition that means I get violently ill if I get 1/4 of a teaspoon. That’s not wrong.
My core beliefs of kindness, curiosity, and connection? I never question those.
But every story I tell myself? I question when things feel sticky, when I find myself blaming, when I’m spinning in my thoughts.
Often, I find, the very best way of coping with something hard is to wake up my curiosity.
As Einstein wrote, “Never lose a holy curiosity.”
Powerful and a stretch for me. One I will begin the stretching toward. Thinking of it with a step back from the edge of “I am right !” And considering what story I am telling myself…this opens a door , some windows.