Be happy, dammit. Be happy.
I used to write that in my journals when I was a kid.
That imperative, that should, that shouting at myself?
That’s the set point for our culture, I’ve realized. If we’re not happy, there must be something wrong with us.
But who’s happy all the time?
Some days, your kids are sick. And you get up from the floor with their vomit splashed all over your bare toes.
There’s no time for a spa experience.
You have to keep going.
Some days, you’re almost out of money. Your body reads that fact as an enormous stress. Your amygdala goes into overdrive, and suddenly you’re picking a fight with your partner. Or getting in the car, burning gas, to drive as far away as you can. Or you’re crouched in a fetal position on the shower floor.
Is that the right time for someone to come shout in your ear, “Be happy, dammit. Be happy.”
Some days, you’re exhausted. You’ve done so much for other people that you haven’t made any time for yourself. All you want is a nap. But you can’t take it because you tell yourself you don’t deserve it.
How happy is that making you?
We’ve been ingrained to look on the bright side. The sun will come out tomorrow. There’s always a way. Just lift yourself up by your bootstraps. Try and try again. Click your red shoes 3 times. And remember — if you don’t put a smile on your face, you’re a Debby Downer. And no one likes a Debby Downer.
Good god, it’s exhausting to live in this world already. Add to that the need to have a firm handshake and a ready smile. It’s impossible.
What if we welcomed the drab, the gray, the sad, the staying stuck in one place for a few days? What if we recognized these as cycles of exhaustion or trauma responses and allowed ourselves to have them?
What if we didn’t always demand of ourselves that happy is the “true” state of being and we keep fucking up because we’re not there.
Instead of staying on the sunny side of the street, can we learn to sing in the rain instead?
We can learn and give this space of overwhelm and disappointment a full place in our lives.
This is a kind habit to make.
Let me show you how to make this habit for yourself.
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Our Kind Kitchen to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.